Trudeau Approves Kinder Morgan’s Pipe, Says Blackcomb’s Pipe Needs More Vert
In a move that shocked BC residents, Prime Minster Trudeau approved the Kinder Morgan Pipeline. The $6.8 billion project is set to move Alberta tar sands oil to a port in Vancouver.
When asked about why he approved the project, the charismatic PM gave a surprisingly blunt answer. “BC needs a good pipe. I go snowboarding there every Christmas and I always land on the deck of the Blackcomb halfpipe, or superpipe, or whatever they claim it is. The North Shore Mountains’ terrain parks are washed out by rain. Blackcomb’s night pipe is defunct. Kinder Morgan will be the best pipe on the Coast.”
Trudeau held a press conference along the proposed pathway through the Burnaby Mountains. When local residents complained of how a leak could destroy the ecosystem and harm wildlife, Trudeau countered. “If you’re so concerned about wildlife, then why did you let BC’s pipe dragons go extinct?” The attending media seemed confused over the comment. Trudeau then made the “shaka bro” hand signal and pretended to call Ross Rebagliati on his phone even though they were kilometers away from cell coverage.
As he stepped into his monster truck bus, which his cabinet uses to carpool to all proposed oil project sites, he turned back at the crowd and gave his parting words: “To all you millennials out there looking for work, you’ll lay more pipe with Kinder than Tinder.”
If you have any messages you want passed on to our PM, please write them in the comments below. I’ll pass them on when I see him at the Rebagliati 420 party.
*NOTE: This article is satire. If you haven’t figured that out yet, then just turn off your computer and go skiing.