Shaq Vs. Hansi: Who is the Greatest Athlete Musician
We all use music to increase our stoke for the season, but few musicians know how to inspire an athlete. We spend our lives destroying our knees and toes when they spend their lives destroying their marriages and livers. So I went on a search to find the best athlete musician out there. Only he will understand our world.
Shaquille O’Neal needs no introduction. Drafted in 1992 and dominating the NBA ever since, claiming Rookie of the Year, All Star Game MVP, and Playoff MVP awards. But basketball wasn’t his only claim to stardom. He tried out acting with the films Blue Chips, Kazam, and a bunch of TV and movie cameos, but no crooked hat white kid will ever forget when the Shaq Diesel rap album dropped. Shaq became one of few athletes to cross over into mainstream music. Thought it received mixed reviews, the album went platinum. This alone could crown Shaq as the person with the most successful athletic and musical career.
Skiers don’t like rain. Video produced and directed by James Cameron
There may be only one person who can top what the 7’1 forward has accomplished. Hans Hinterseer from Kitzbuhel, Austria spent the 70s on the podium in Slalom and Giant Slalom ski races. His six World Cup victories blow away O’Neal’s three NBA Championships. Hans dabbled in some acting as well, but is now best known for his romantic voice and gorgeous hair. Pretty much every year since 2001, he’s put out a music video for his hit, Ski Twist. Though not known in North America, two of his albums went to number one in Denmark. And just like Shaq, he doesn’t forget where he came from. Unfortunately that’s the honkiest place on earth: rural Austrian Alps.
Don’t laugh. This guy gets way more tail than you.
So who is the greatest? Which one of these two will reign as best athlete musician?
Shaq keeps it street, but Hansi’s noodle turns with sparkling teeth warrant a promodel. Start to finish he sings a song about skiing while railing down groomers, then shows the kids all the sick butters he can do. This has the be one of the greatest on-slope musical performances in Polka history. But somehow crowning an Austrian, with blonde hair and blue eyes skiing in all white, champion over an American black man from a broken home might be more racist than I like to get. So there’s only one obvious solution out of this predicament.
I don’t listen to Shaq or Hansi when I go skiing. When I’m up in the clean mountain air, feeling the wind against my overpriced goggles, there’s only one musician I want to ski with. The man, the myth, the semi-good pilot, John Denver. If I could keep up to him, I’d have him serenade me any day.
R.I.P. one of skiing’s greatest spokesmen.
John Denver: the original hipster
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