Obama Pardons TJ Burke’s Aspen Poach

In what will probably be the last use of his executive order, President Barack Obama has pardoned Aspen Ski Instructor and freelance writer TJ Burke for his illegal out-of-bounds skiing back in 1993.

“Though I don’t condone what he did, I do understand Mr. Burke was in a particular place of mourning after losing his powder 8 partner Dexter Rutecki. I feel as a nation it’s important to come together and understand how difficult this must have been.” Obama stated last week in front of congress. “Burke grew up working in Detroit’s now collapsed auto industry. We can’t turn our back on this marginalized American. Furthermore TJ’s skiing is off the charts. I haven’t seen anything that tight since Doug Coombs – God rest his soul.”


Obama: “Pretty sure Secret Service was on site when it happened. You can see one of our agents under the cliff at 0:55 in the clip.”

Prominent republican, Mitch McConnell, questioned whether the president understood that Aspen Extreme was just a movie.

“Just let me finish my point, Mitch.” Obama interjected. “From the data our intelligence has gathered, Burke has since immigrated to Canada where he worked as an RCMP officer. We can’t turn our back on someone so willing to put themselves in harms way to help their country.”


The above photo was collected by US secret service, confirming Burke’s fleeing to Canada after the incident.

McConnell again confronted Obama about the fact that Aspen Extreme is just a movie.

“Mr. McConnell, I believe the term you’re looking for is biopic. Much like the one of young farm boy Harkin Banks and his journey to California to pursue his dreams of being a champion in the Squaw Valley Asian American Downhill. He learned so much about love that day.”

President Elect Donald Trump has vowed to overturn Obama’s executive order and will do, “everything in his power to bring law and order back into skiing.”

Comments from @realDonaldTrump Twitter feed below.








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