No Good, Terrible Advice for Opening Day

If you’re reading this from the tent you have pitched in the frosty little alcove outside the Whistler Mountain Gondola, somebody already gave you some questionable advice.

That being said, when you go bounding merrily off the gondola into the winter wonderland tomorrow morning, I’ll probably be:

-standing in a line-up that extends back through the village to Garf’s

-at your mom’s house, looking for my boardin’ boots

-at the hardwear store buying batteries for my beacon

-scanning Whistler Buy and Sell, trying to hastily purchase some boardin’ pants

-flailing, generally, at both life and Opening Day

Chances are, you fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Like, you’re not currently spooning your friend Gary on the pavement outside the gates to the gondola.

“I’M SO COLD, GARY.”

But maybe you went a couple days ago to see whether or not your ski pass was active.

And maybe, just maybe, you know where your mittens are.

Either way, the last time I hit the slopes was Gaper Day 2016…

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Skier Dave, Gaper Day 2016’s MVP…Photo: Mark Warner, Low Pressure Podcast

…so I’m guessing my gear’s in tip top condition.

It’s actually been in the trunk of my Honda ever since, so tomorrow morning should be extra streamlined for me.

 

 

Oh, and whatever you do: don’t look at this forecast:

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Don’t look at those freezing levels either.

So yeah, I’d say the best approach for tomorrow morning is to:

-wake up early

-drink four boozy coffees in your neighbours’ hot tub

-mount your brand new skis

-arrive in village at 8:41am

-embrace the queue

-step off the gondola

-SEND WITHOUT COMPROMISE

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