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Whistler Sucks (Tell your Friends)

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ArticlesSatire

Often, when photos of the crowds at Whistler Blackcomb surface online, people from other mountain towns are quick to make snide remarks in the comment section.

“That’s why I never go to Whistler!”

“No way, Whistler. Not once, not ever.”

Etc.

But you know where a lot of those comments are being written?

From this lift line here:

Mid-week Madness at Revelstoke Mountain Resort. Photo: Sonja Lercher

Gotta pass the time somehow, right?

I spent a few years in The Interior and I, admittedly, was just as bad.

“Have fun waiting in line to get toothpaste,” I said to my friend when he moved to the Sea to Sky.

But then I went to visit him.

And then I went to visit him again.

And then again.

Nine years later, I’m living in Whistler, scrapping with strangers on the internet who are ripping on this place from a distance.

(Ok so that only happened once….sorry, faceless internet commenter!)

Maybe twice actually….once again after Doglotion contributor Brian Coles visited from The Interior and posted a “Classic Whistler” shot of it raining in the village when it was actually nuking snow less than 100m above where he took the photo.

People just love to hate this place.

At its worst, Whistler is people who have lived here for two months blaming Vail for the Alpine not opening on 65cm pow day.

(Vail sucks, to be sure. But their impact on mountain operations is negligible).

At its best, this place is Alaskan-esque spine lines that flow into pillow lines that look like they got shipped here from the Monashees.

All too easy to get Gonorrhea here.

Ben Murphy visited from the Island and he agreed: this place is the worst.

And yes, it rains here. But the chances are good that there are a few colder systems spinning over the Pacific getting ready to set things right again.

This was Vail’s Fault. Photo: Jimmy Wright

And yes, it gets busy here. But the 25+ lifts between the two mountains take care of the crowds pretty tidily (as long as they’re all open).

And yes. There can be a high level of douchery here, especially on long weekends. But those douches don’t really ski. And no matter what, you can always find highly competent adventure buddies to escape from said douchery.

The backcountry rules out here, with a Coastal snowpack to boot.

Just a couple of Whistlerites discussing the high cost of housing. Photo: Ian McIntosh

Blaine Wolokowski escapes the May Long Weekend crowd. Photo: Jamie Bond

But maybe you don’t wanna escape the douchery? If you’re ever feeling like making a series of bad decisions in this town, the party scene is always there for you.

I hate it when babes form pyramids in front of the daylodge.  Photo: Low Pressure Podcast

Whistler sucks about as much as the activities that happen upon her flanks:

Boardin’, skiin’, and drinkin’.

And drinkin’, skiin’and boardin’.

Of course there are other fun things to do around here as well, like finding careers or starting families.

If you’re into that kinda thing.

But ever since Vail showed up and farted on everyone’s pillow, this place is officially done.

It’s done!

So why are we still here?

Photo: Brad Slack

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