Trump Trudeau

Trudeau, Trump Find Common Ground On Economy And Security, But Remain at Odds Over Whitewater vs. Red Mountain.

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On February 13th, 2017 Prime Minister Justin Trudeau met for the first time with President Donald Trump. On this seminal meeting, they discussed topics ranging from border security to the economy. Most of these topics were met by mutual agreement on their importance to unite and develop both nations. But there was one topic neither party could agree on. An age old debate that seems impossible to unite communities over. It was of course the argument over Red Mountain vs. Whitewater.

Both ski resorts lie in the West Kootenays and have a reputation for having great terrain and reliable snowfall. But the two mountains continue to divide local communities over which is the superior hill. This debate was never to be on the table for the meeting between the two country leaders, however Trudeau anecdotally mentioned that his brother lived in Rossland in the 90s and worked at Red Mountain. Trump, never afraid to embarrass himself over a useless argument, aggressively slandered the mountain, saying how he detests the resort. “With all that steep skiing all the locals have a ton of balls. I mean, there’s no pussies there for me to grab.”

Here’s the transcript…

Trump: “Whitewater is my mountain, Justin. In case you didn’t hear it during my presidential campaign, it’s all about the White. Just last Saturday, Steve Bannon was skiing under the chair yelling, “White Powder!” over and over. At least I think that’s what he was saying. Honkeywater is the place to be.”

Trudeau: “Wrong Donnie. First of all, Red Mountain is so big it even makes your ego look small. And don’t get me started on how it makes your hands look. Way more powder per person there – so much terrain. So you can even sleep in on a powder day. To get fresh tracks at Whitewater, you need to make like that brown-noser Chris Christie and wake up at the crack of Don.”

Trump: “I’ve been to Red Mountain, and first of all, there’s no gold in it anymore. Secondly, on a clear day you can see all the trails through the backcountry where bad Canadian hombres have been sneaking across the border into our great country. Also, I can’t be a part of any resort that has a giant sign that says, “Stupid Deep.” I can’t be a part of something that would so misrepresent me – I’m not that deep.”

Trudeau: “I went to Whitewater earlier this year and stopped in Nelson on the way. You know I’ve worked so hard to develop great healthcare and jobs in this country. People there don’t use either of them. These white rastas are all yelling ‘Jah Bless,’ but they should just be saying, ‘Jobless.’”

Trump: “Well pretty boy, what is Red doing to protect citizens against its hundreds of illegal Australian immigrants? Don’t get me wrong, I love the Australians. They will say anything to you except, ‘I don’t have an opinion on the matter and would love to hear yours,'” but there needs to be a wall built between Australia and Rossland.”

Trudeau: “The last thing Canadians want is for their Prime Minister to go and tell other countries how to govern their people. If you prefer a ski hill that’s better known for their poutine than the size of their terrain, that’s fine.”

Trump: “Don’t need big acreage when you have absolutely huge snowfall. Last week the snow at Whitewater was dropping faster and harder than retailers could drop Ivanka’s clothing line.”

Trudeau: “Well, Red’s racing program is known for building Olympians faster than I can approve pipelines. But let’s find some common ground here. Look, in the valley bottom below Red, there’s the second largest lead smelter in the world, full of skilled tradesmen you can stiff payments to. And there’s also an SPCA nearby where you can touch plenty of pussies.”

Trump: “I like the sound of that. Well, you might like Nelson. There’s a ton of people who act environmental, but really aren’t. I think you might connect with them.”

Trudeau: “I think this is a start of a terrible friendship.”

Trump and Trudeau were last seen vigorously holding hands at The Colander restaurant in Trail, BC.

*EDITOR’S NOTE: Much to Donald’s delight, this actually IS fake news. 

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