As the pre season tweaking gets twitchier and twitchier, a lot of people are spitting out 'forecasts' of what the season will be like at various resorts. And then they change those forecasts. Who makes this stuff up? Take Whistler for example. At first everyone feared a mild El Nino winter (even though some past El Nino winters have actually been pretty damn fun overall). Now rumour has it we're in for a 'normal' winter. What the hell does that mean? Normally it's awesome, so are we in for an awesome winter?

Step aside farmers. Doglotion.com brings you the most scientific winter season forecast, ever. Here are the cold hard facts about where it's going to snow this winter, and how much. You can safely quit your job and relocate your life based on these forecasts...

2012/13 Winter Forecast

Most/Best Snow - Hokkaido, Japan

Fact: Japan always kicks ass. Have you ever seen a video from Hokkaido, Japan that didn't feature tits deep skiers barrelling their way through sacred forests? Didn't think so. Therefore, if you do some simple math, "always" + "kicks ass" = gauranteed good pow this winter. You just can't argue with math like that. Need some video evidence from last winter?

Coldest & Driest - Entire Eastern Half of North America

Yes, you heard it. Coldest & driest = no powder days. OK correction, one powder day that everyone over-documents so they can prove that once in a blue moon, there is such thing as pow skiing in the East. How can we accurately predict this? Because it's the same every year. Well, except for a couple years ago when it didn't really snow at all, but we're thinking positively here.

Conlcusion? If you still live over there and are waiting for that sacred pow day, it's time to pack up the car and head west. Sooner or later you'll hit some bigger mountains, and they'll have fresh snow on them. Jackpot.

Need some more proof? Just search "East Coast Powder Day" on Youtube and see the results.  You would never name a video "West Coast Powder Day" because that woudln't distinguish your video from any other day of the year.

Most Elusive Snow - All Over Europe

Doglotion.com predicts that it will snow a lot, somewhere in Europe. But it turns out where and when is actually impossible to predict. It defies science. You'll hear about snow over there and fly across the globe only to find it melted or blown away. Or you'll be waiting for the storm in Chamonix, but it turns out it all lands 10 minutes away in Italy, or blows away and lands in Verbier. Psych. Or maybe you'll chase the 50 year storm in Romania, only to ski hardpack 15 feet higher than the week before. But if you've got jedi skills and nail the right place right time, you're in for a treat... good snow on the raddest mountains in the world.

Best Place to Get Skunked From Weather - Wrangell-St. Elias National Park, Alaska

Home to the longest vertical releif on the planet (excluding what's under the ocean), it's no doubt a worthy place to go for the shred of a lifetime. But the area is notorious for having super sketchy and unpredictable weather, so your 3 week ski trip could easily be a 5 week airplane bunker fest. If you want to hang out in a bunker with a bunch of smelly dudes, head to St Elias this winter. Unless you're Jeremy Jones, who always nails it.

Best Place to Get Skiing Confused With Mountaineering - Himalayas

With backcountry skiing and ski mountaineering on the rise, seems a lot of people are getting the two mixed up. Don't get me wrong, they're both awesome, but often high altitude ski mountaineering is really just an efficient way to mountaineer and travel in the mountains.

Doglotion.com can accurately predict horrid, knee-wrenching snow conditions in the Himalays when their season returns in 2013, but skiing is still better than walking!

Gauranteed 'Normal' Winter - Whistler and the Pacific NorthWest in General

Yep, turns out the Farmers were right just this once. We have confirmed that in fact Whistler is lined up for a 'normal' winter. It's got a lot of people wondering what 'normal' is, and lucky for you, we did the math. We went back as far as our scientists can accurately remember the daily conditions, which for your typical young ski-bum stoner is about 3 years. Measuring the mind-blowing snow fall, it's safe to say the last three seasons have been beyond epic.

Now, using 'Command-C' and 'Command-V', we copy/pasted that epicness into the forecast for the next three years. Bring out the cough medicine, 'cause it's going to be sick.

In case you need more video analysis, here's how a normal season starts...

And here's how a normal season has ended for the past 10 years and counting...