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Environment Canada and NOAA to Start Basing all Forecasts on Data Compiled by Snowbrains and Unofficial Networks

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NEWSSatire

“Accuracy be damned, we’re more interested in getting traffic to our websites,” stated Dr. Carl Wolokowski in a joint statement from NOAA and Environment Canada, the two institutions that have historically provided trustworthy weather forecasts to the North American populace.

“I mean, those websites definitely get some of their information from us,” he went on. “But we wanted to see what we could start getting from them.”

“Have you seen Snowbrains’ latest weather forecast for Whistler Blackcomb? 12,000 likes on the Facebook!” he continued. “Who cares if they don’t really mention freezing levels…..the weather industry NEEDS this right now.”

Tag a mate who wants to ride all of these powders!

“And their latest forecast for “Mount Baker” is for the 11,000 foot volcano, not the 5000 foot ski hill ….but it’s got 2,500 shares!” Wolokowski went on, hardly able to contain his excitement.

“We’ve been trying to get Bud Light Lime to advertise with us for years, and these are the kind of numbers they’re looking for.”

“It’s about time they tapped into the advanced forecasting technologies of Snowbrains and Unofficial,” says Pemberton-based snowboarder Joe Lax in a statement. “It’s a good day for science!”

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Thanks to Mr.Lax for the inspiration on this article. And if you got this far without realizing that this is satire, God help us all.

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